I have the sudden need to apologize to anyone who is following my blog.
I am realizing that I think this is the place I have mostly been coming on the bad days. Don’t you know the places, the places we go? I rarely think I’m so special that I’m the only one in the world doing the things I do. So surely I’m not the only one who can understand about how sometimes when I feel or am a certain way I tend to end up in a certain recurrent place with it?
Whoa, was that convoluted?
I just mean, maybe I come here on the bad days because when I started this blog it was during some REALLY bad days. Could this be my bad day (sometimes even if it’s just a bad hour) place I might get drawn to sharing here during the bad times because of how it all started. I tend to get drawn back here to share the yucky parts of my days because I know it’s already established here that the yuck exists so I don’t have to go through explaining why I feel so yuck. Yuck yuck yuck.
But the truth is that this whole story isn’t yuck. And yes, the darkness and light are having it out mostly all the time lately, but this is sort of like a Diary of the Dark!
So, I’m not sure what to do about this realization. Will I be able to transform this residence?
I guess this is an example of the compartmentalizing of my entire life.
But if that is so, then this realization about what is happening here is a pretty big deal, right? And realizations don’t happen without light and light tends to not be dark, right?
So it would follow that light is here now!
Mostly I just want to clear it up to the masses (haha) that there is light in my world. It just doesn’t come here very often! lol! There is a big dark monster at the entrance of the door here…an extra battle to survive after the battle of surviving the hard times to begin with.
And sometimes, I’m just too tired and the dark gets grouchy about not being seen.
I am maybe a little bit like an Ogre. Like Shrek? It’s been a long time since I watched Shrek, but this blog is sort of like my big green monster that isn’t so nasty if given a chance.
I’m not sure, maybe this place is just another aspect of telling my story. And if I must have 15 different places to tell my story because there are that many different parts to it (and me) then I will be having a lot of fun on the last day of the year when I pop the cork and give a toast from 15 different champagne bottles!
Life is always evolving…