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It’s taking a long time and a lot of effort to return here.  It doesn’t mean I’m not still working the path.  The path just seems to be working me more right now, and I’m getting the feeling that maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be for a while…or forever.  I just never know.

Tonight was therapy.  I did come home feeling better than when I left and better than when I was in the parking lot preparing to go in to my appointment.  Coming back feeling better than when you left is usually a good thing.  I wonder if that’s how it is when you die?  But I’m not going down into a dark place with this.  I just think it probably takes a lot of work while we’re here on earth sometimes (more for some than for others, and for me it’s the “more work for some”) to get to a point where going back is better than when I left….(left that sphere of pre-birth).

I don’t mean to get all weird.  I usually never do mean to get weird… even if usually and never are kind of double negatives, somehow.   Sometimes, grammar rocks my world, especially when I continuously use it wrong. ; )

Clearly, work is happening, regardless of how it’s happening.  And since I am doing better, hopefully that means I’m working in the right direction.

I can’t believe it’s May.  I’ve made it into the warm months.

That also means I’m almost a year post-delivery of my youngest child.  I remember thinking of things in seasons when I was pregnant.  “By the time winter is here I will have a 6 month old!”

But now my baby is almost a year and I’m starting to relinquish thinking in months and seasons a little more.  Now she’s becoming more of a little girl…even though technically she’s still a baby and maybe not even classified as a toddler yet.

***

I am doing better as far as living goes.  I think.

Up for bat is one emotion I’d rather not deal with, but which has dealt with me for some time, I think, through pain in my body.

ANGER.

I do have some.

So. Hm.

Could Anger be my “A” word?  I know that’s not the word I saw in my dream (I shared about in my last post,) but it seems to be it.

It seems like everything I’ve ever been angry about is slapping me right in the face right now.  Waking me up, I guess.  “Oh, Hi Anger.”  Anger is wanting to reconcile.?

 

Anger is one emotion I could live without.

My whole life has been hazed by it.

It can be a pretty tricky thing when you’re angry and don’t even know it.

So the anger rises and falls.

Mostly, I fall.

But I do get back up.

I’m usually not sure how.

***

I have a lot on my mind.  I feel a lot more “private” right now.  I’m working things out and things are working in me.  I’m just happy to be employed, I guess.